My Ambisexual Life

Bobby likes Katie.
Katie likes Bobby.
But then James comes along and now Bobby likes James. But not like that.
Bobby just likes how strong James is, how smart, how good he is at everything.
Bobby’s feelings for James are so strong that he begins to neglect Katie.
But Katie is too busy liking Helena to notice. Yes, like that.

Everyone enjoys a complicated love triangle, wait….square? Insert your geometric shape here, folks, cause I can just imagine how confusing your love lives must be too.

Orgy or group sex scene illustration by Édouar...Am I the only one who always thought everyone should just sleep with each other and save the drama for their respective mamas? I mean, not only do we live in a restrictive society, but we live a “restricted-self.” This restrictive-self lies and poses as a fraud all the time. We sould be able to express love, gratitude, adoration, respect, etc. any way we’d like. So what if you want to passionately hug your best friend but you’re both straight guys?

Maybe that’s just the ambisexual in me. I believe that feeling attraction towards someone can lead to a physical desire for them. I say “can” here and not “will.” It’s not inevitable that every interesting person you meet will turn out to be a lover.

There are many types of relationships. Romantic, familial, business, fuck buddy, best friend, bromance, mentor, neighbor, acquaintance, etc. They all have different degrees of closeness and intimacy. What you say and do with you family is certainly not what you do with your boss. How much time you devote to your fuck buddy certainly won’t match time spent with your best friend.

Sigmund Freud

Sigmund Freud (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

How is is that we can manage such a broad range of intimacy? We go from being naked with one person to using sweaters to hide our tattoos for another.

Freud’s basis of thinking was that our first social relationships, that is with our parents, shapes us more deeply than we originally thought.

Freud’s Phallic Stage
From the ages of 3-6 Freud believed children underwent a sexual transformation. He thought females began to develop what he coined “penis envy” and males began to view their fathers as rivals for the mother’s affection.

Freud’s Genital Stage
It isn’t until after puberty that the individual begins to find interest in the opposite sex.

What if Freud was right? Forget the “penis envy,” forget the “Oedipus Complex” for a moment. What if Freud’s idea of our first sexual relationship stemming from our parents is true? How then can we use this information to explain sexuality?

I am always going to have traits of both my father and mother and I have a personal relationship with both of them.  It is possible, then, for me to assume some of their characteristics, male AND female in some way. I am being influenced by this dichotomy, genetically, as well as socially, whether I like it or not!

Is this why being born of male and female genes, traits, characteristics, etc. can easily lead to ambisexuality? Freud thinks we just identify with one parent and attach gender constructs accordingly. But, I disagree. I think we go our entire lives trying to hammer out male/female traits within ourselves and sexuality gets tied up in that as well. I am prone to behaving like a guy OR a girl.

However, ambisexual doesn’t necessarily mean ambiguous, as in, confused. I am NOT confused! It is pretty clear who I am attracted to. And the answer is, well, everybody! And in some wacky way, I know everyone is.

So, don’t lie to yourselves people. Come, lead your free, ambisexual selves with me….


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