Welcome back to The Joys of Submission!
If you haven’t yet, read The Joys of Submission, Part 1 . After all, the more joys, the merrier, don’t ya think?
Joy #4: Disobeying “on purpose”
Remember how we discussed that everyone is both dom and sub in some way? Well, because of the subservient/authoritative roles being acted out, pleasure can heighten when and if the sub decides to break the rules. In this way, the sub is taking control of the situation— totally out of character!
The sub shouldn’t make it a habit to violate the rules, however, such as completing a task poorly, not quickly enough, or not at all. Each of these possibilities has its own punishment. And it would be up to the dom to correlate the punishment with the degree of disobedience.
This may bode well for the sub. It could lead to overwhelming pleasure through punishment. They find themselves anticipating the punishment so much that they subconsciously make errors. And the punishment for those errors gets exponentially worse.
For the most part, challenging the dom in this way is risky. Disobeying could displease their dom in such a way that it will be hard to earn approval in the future. They may enact a punishment so severe, it leaves lasting results.
Punishments are sometimes meant to last only a little while, but many have long-term effects. Tattooing, piercing, scarring, mutilation, for example, which change the body. Or criminal, morally questionable tasks which can corrupt and change the mind.
Joy #5: Being owned
The pleasure the dom gets from controlling their sub is just as substantial as the sub’s pleasure they get from being owned. Let’s delve deeper into the idea of erotic enslavement, as this tends to be more universally known.
It may be hard to imagine what being a slave feels like. The history of our existence as a species contains generations upon generations of slavery being the societal norm. But in our 1st world, we are largely removed from it. Slavery is a thing of our irrefutable, dark past. For the black community, it is a topic of equality—progression beyond outdated racial concepts. For women, slavery is a topic of the removal of traditionally-held notions of marriage as a business agreement.
The reality is: it is still practiced throughout the world to many different degrees. But what we’re concerned with is the dom/sub relationship and the use of enslavement as a trigger for pleasure.
How can the mind make that leap? From regarding slavery as a symptom of a corrupted and archaic outlook on human classification, to replicating the role-play to induce ecstasy?
The idea of slavery objectifying the person can be easier to understand when it comes to sex. The sub feels like they are sexual property. A play thing, who clearly has only one purpose.
Depending on the sought after level of degradation, this idea can manifest as depicting the sub as an animal, a pet. Or a toy, a sex doll. Or some other form of sub-human or object that is labeled as: TAKEN.
This is extremely gratifying for a sub. The dom may have many material possessions, but how many people does he/she own? The sub feels special enough to be one of the few or only living, breathing things the dom is willing to claim.
While the traditional, romantic aspect of sex aligns with Valentine’s Day-esque “Be Mine” and “I’m Yours” pronouncements, the BDSM relationship instead goes with, “You ARE Mine” and “I’m your PROPERTY.”
From the dom’s point of view, it’s exciting to own things. In fact, to some degree, most people feel a desire to have material wealth, to own items. But what’s the allure of owning a person?
The richest, most powerful individuals are those who own the world’s natural resources. And what’s one of the MOST valuable resources on this planet? Human beings.
To own, to control, to have conquered a person, is the ultimate expression of supremacy.
It’s not just the dom expressing their desire for power, it’s also the sub wanting to be owned. WANTING to be owned is something different. Why would they want to be objectified in this way?
There are many reasons why someone would find excitement in being a slave. Some reasons are psychological, others are purely physical.
Perhaps the sub has former feelings of abandonment rooted in their psyche and they never felt they belonged anywhere. This feeling of displacement causes the sub’s need to find it in its extreme form.
Or it could be that becoming a slave is an escape. A welcome break from humanism, from having to bear the responsibility of the intellectual mind. The dom is the only person the sub trusts to be around when they decide to turn off the “human switch.”
Joy #5: Bona fide trust
Think about the people in your life you do trust. Your parents might come to mind first, maybe siblings, best friends, teachers, colleagues. But what about your doctor, your babysitter, your landlord? How about the man driving in the big rig next to you, the bank teller with your account profile flashing on her computer screen, your neighbor with the large telescope peering from the 2nd story window?
Most of the time, you can’t ever fully trust anyone, even family. We are forced to trust so many people, all the time. Many of which haven’t even earned the privilege.
And at the drop of a hat, any of that trust could be thrown out of the window. The man driving the huge truck could fall asleep at the wheel, the babysitter could forget to turn off the oven, the bank teller could steal your social security number.
Bona fide, genuine trust is a rare commodity.
I hope that whoever your dom or sub turns out to be is someone you trust a million times more than any of the people above. Your BDSM other-half must be one who truly deserves your trust and has proven to be a fit confidant who will keep your adventures private.
And what adventures they are! How could you trust anyone else with a whip, a leather belt, handcuffs, etc? You put your physical self at risk when you engage in BDSM, to many varying degrees.
Don’t forget your mind, either. You are trusting that person with the secret parts of your mentality. To be willing to express this dark side of your self can’t be easy. And there might be a small fear of embarrassment.
While in the BDSM world, the dom or sub’s mind is inching it’s way through the mysterious waters of carnal desire. What they find can sometimes shock one party or the other. But this doesn’t mean judgment will or should ever be passed. A healthy dom/sub relationship doesn’t have time for criticism of that nature.
When you’re in a BDSM relationship, it’s as if you’re walking down a busy street in bright daylight, completely naked. But everyone is passing you by. The cars don’t stop, landscapers never look up from their work, a city bus lets off a group of students, none of which stop their conversations to look at you. The one and only person who can recognize your nudity is your dom or sub, and they love it. They welcome you with open arms. It’s a secret only the both of you share.
Well, we’ve reached the end of our joy ride! We’ve discussed being part of a secret society, finding inferiority erotic, and displaying worthiness in the first part. Here in the second part, we discovered how a sub can turn the tables through acts of disobedience, the concept of sex slavery, and finally the key building block to a fulfilling experience: genuine trust.
I hope you realize that BDSM is always two equal parts that make up the whole. There are many variables that come into play, but as long as both parties can focus on that bona fide trust we talked about, then the sexual rapture can commence in a healthy and satisfying way!