When I was a kid I always imagined the song “Baa Baa Black Sheep” to be about this poor fellow who just didn’t fit in. Remember that nursery rhyme? Baa, baa, black sheep, have you any wool? Yes, sir, yes, sir, three bags full…
Well, as a little one I enjoyed the tune, but recognized the color of the sheep denoting an “outsider” status. In many ways, the black sheep is the polyamorous individual, living among the monogamous, white sheep.
Permit me to be blunt: the poly lifestyle is not easily accepted. Many can’t even define it, let alone explain it. There’s quite a stigma with most people, and genuine curiosity with others. Being the poly-black-sheep can be very daunting. What does it mean to be a black sheep? It means swimming too far out in the ocean. You can see the shore, and the water is calm. It is safe enough to swim back, but you’re comfortable. Yet, the shore is still there, where society resides, begins. It’s seeing many of your long-time friends getting married, your siblings having children, the serial monogamists around you break-up and find another, it’s inevitable.
As the black sheep, however, the shore just gets further and further away as the years go by. If you’re comfortable with your polyamory, then that can be your entire existence. But that’s not to say commitment and loyalty go out the window. Many poly people are married, live under one roof, etc.
If you’re poly, it’s hard to ignore the white sheep’s collective perspective. After all, you stick out like a sore thumb. You have many lovers to talk about. You’re constantly getting ready for a date. And your rated X weekend events sound too raunchy for your “vanilla” friends. It’s easy for society to equate being poly with the swinger life, or just being single and banging anything walking on two legs.
But here’s the real truth: Polyamorous people are NOT only sex-driven fiends!
They require a level of intimacy. They practice deep commitment. They’re capable of loving, with equal fervor, more than one. And sex is not the only way to create intimacy!
What’s a poly girl in a mono world to do? Get mad because everyone thinks you’re a slut?? NO WAY!
- Don’t get down on yourself! Being yourself feels far better than funneling yourself down the traditional, mind-numbing existence of following the crowd. Yes, you feel like an alien. And that’s because you are. So what? Get over it and start loving yourself.
- Focus on building positive energy! Few people will get you. Even fewer will be like you. So focus on what you can accomplish. Sharing a story, a laugh, or even a smile with others will create a spark within you. They’ll see you for you, not for who (or how many) you love.
- Join a community of like-minded friends! They’re everywhere. Online meet-ups, social gatherings, meet and greets, etc. It’s silly to think you’re alone. Find a family and remember how many black sheep really do live in this world!